May 7, 2011

The End ---- It is always "AGAIN"

Yeah, so that's the end of the story AGAIN. I failed in love AGAIN. And I regret AGAIN. And AGAIN I really want to say this, I don't want to fall in love AGAIN. Like fucking honestly? He's sitting beside me now and he was sleeping but can you guys please help me?

Should I say this?

NO, that's the thing. But the main thing now is, I COULD NEVER MOVE ON.
I mean like, I fucking love him so fregging much -_______________-' I know, stupid.
He is really something that I should hold on to. Something that really could put a light on my fucking face. And now I have to let him go, wow. NOOOOOOOOO! It's like putting a fucking stone on my head.
Look, I've been fighting with this fucking feelings and I really tried to hate him but you have no fucking idea how much I struggled just to keep my lips like this ---> (: but still inside of me chose to do this ---> ):
Mannnn, I pretend to be happy so that he could see that I'm happy without him by my side.
When I said, we will never be together anymore. I FUCKING LIED.
I'm full with this shit ego inside of me and I just couldn't say it out. Fuckmylife. I hate this, I swear.
It's fucking torturing me and I'm following the order. I don't even take any sleeping pills anymore eventho I know it's hard to sleep and rest while his in your head, running around like a song. Never leave. BUT I PUSH MY FUCKING EYES TO FORGET ABOUT IT AND GO SLEEP, TRUST ME IT'S USELESS, YOU KNOW WHAT I DID? I RE-READ ALL HIS OLD MSGS AND JUST IMAGINE HE'S SMILING AT ME LIKE HE ALWAYS DO. See, it hurts as fuck, CAN DIE I FUCKING SWEAR.
My god, mannnnn! Why don't you just say you don't love me anymore instead of saying you'll always love me?
Don't you know I'm currently suffering to death just because I couldn't fucking move on?
I've been crying my tits off these days, I'm worried about you every fucking second.
You have no idea how much I care about you. I might sound like over protective but seriously get the fuck off it, I don't give a shit. I JUST FUCKING LOVE YOU, DON'T YOU SEE THAT?

But what should I say? What can I do? The heart says what words can't explain itself.
Now you're gone, and there's someone trying to get into the line. But still, I can't keep my mind off you, this is fucked up. I miss you I guess ): But don't worry, I'll get over you. One day, one day, I will.
I won't wash you away from my mind but I'll just live my life and our memories will be well kept in this little heart which always yours now and forever.

The MothaF,
Ara xxx

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